I've learned such great insights this week on the best way to start a marriage. One big thing is the wedding. It is really important that you plan the wedding together as a couple. Most woman when planning their weddings, plan it with their mom. Though this isn't a terrible idea, it's just not the best. Mothers of course want to be involved and help, but it's more important that the couple plans the wedding together. Most men will say, "Do whatever you want." But men you play an important role in planning it as well. By planning the wedding together, you strengthen your bond with one another. Rather than the woman just strengthening her bond with just her mom. While planning the wedding together, you also learn to make compromises and decisions together and those lessons will help you in your marriage. It's best to help you learn those strategies early on.
The honeymoon is also important. The honeymoon isn't a time to just have fun and have the whole leaving and coming home scene. Honeymoons are a critical time for a couple to bond with one another. To continue to strengthen their relationship and come to have a better understanding of each other. When they come back from their honeymoon, they should be as one. A bonded couple and you are distinguished together as a couple.
Now starting off a marriage can be difficult. Shortly after the wedding, many couple start to have arguments and disagreements. Usually these couples end up coming to feel like they made a mistake in marrying their spouse. That they actually aren't compatible. But in reality you are or can be. All marriages are work. No one can have those Disney "And they lived happily ever after" without work. You are two very different people who have now come together as one. But unlike your family, you didn't grow up with your spouse. So just like you did with your family members, you need to learn to adapt and change. Neither of you are the one has the problem that is causing strain on the marriage. You just need to learn to work it out. In order to have a healthy marriage, you need to talk things out with each other. Keeping in consideration how the other person feels, tell your spouse what is bothering you. Don't fight, argue, or raise your voices. Especially when you feel threatened or they said something that might upset you. keep your voices low and have an open mind. Telling your concerns will help strengthen your marriage rather than tear apart. Not telling is a lot more damaging. More often than not, your spouse doesn't even realize that they're doing something that's bothering you. When I lived with my family in my teen years and when I was on my mission, I would find out after months that I was doing something that was bugging them. With one of my mission companions, we both held the negative feelings we were holding inside until we both blew from the pressure. We talked it out and it turned out fine in the end, but that could've been avoided had we talked about them sooner. Another example is when I had one family member come up to me about something that had bothered them for months. My only question to them was "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I felt bad for making them upset and I didn't want to be causing any stress. I just wished that they had told me sooner so I could've stopped sooner or worked it out with them before causing such a tear on our relationship. Marriage will never be easy, but it'll be worth it.
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