How to Handle a Crisis In a Family

Have you ever wondered how to handle or deal with a crisis that happened in your family or might potentially happen? I have. There is one woman, Cloe Madanes, who wrote "Sex, Love, and Violence." In her book, she creates a model to help solve the problems that are brought to therapy. I want to talk about just some of her steps from her book that can help you cope or know what to do. Though I know that this book was mainly to help the crisis of sexual abuse, I feel that the steps that I share today, can be used for almost any situation.

The first step is: Find out what happened. It's very important that everyone shares their perspective and take on the situation that occurred. One important thing to remember and do during this step, is to just listen. Many times when someone is sharing their perspective, we get angry because that's not how we viewed it. So many times we get upset and say that they are wrong or lying when in reality, their not. They're just sharing what they saw, how they saw it, and how it impacted them. So remember to just listen with open ears and mind. Having everyone share their perspective on what happened, helps give everyone an even greater part of the full picture instead of just the small piece that you originally had.

Talk about the spiritual pain that each individual went through. Going through any kind of crisis usually causes great spiritual, or soul, pain for any individual. Doing this helps everyone see just how each other was impacted and how to be able to help each other through it. 

The "perpetrator" gets on their knees and apologizes. When they are on their knees, it helps them to humble themselves and really see that they have done a wrong and admit to the hurt that they have caused. BUT, they do not get up from off of their knees until everyone in the room feels that their apology is sincere and genuine. The perpetrator is also in no position to ask for or demand forgiveness. 

The other people in the room need to apologize as well. By doing this, you are breaking down walls that were once there and adding to the conflict and hurt. By apologizing, those walls come down and you're able to actually start the process of healing both within yourself and with those around you. 

Remember that evil is always stupid. Don't try to make sense of nonsense. When you have done something evil, no good EVER comes out of it!! So don't try to justify or make sense of the wrong that you have done.