Importance of Father Interactions

We talked about fathers and finances but I really want to focus on fathers. I feel like we don't give fathers enough credit or really pay attention to the effect that they have. I feel that the father, a most of the time, considered separate from the family. He goes to work everyday and is gone for most of the day. He comes home tired and is entering into a completely different world than the one he left. Fathers also usually don't know much about what's going on or what has happened in his absence. For many fathers, this makes them disconnected and not much of a part of the family. I found this to be pretty true, from the example of my dad. I found out, not through him but a reliable source, that my dad felt like we hated him. Which is far from the truth. I love my dad and I am very close to him. He has been my rock and support through a lot of really hard times in my life. I can always count on him. But to him, it's a lot harder. I've come to realize that he feels the way he does, because he's not home very much. He's usually gone for most of the week at work. So he doesn't experience anything with when we are at home. He doesn't know anything that has occurred unless it was a major occurrence and he needed to know. This creates a disconnect between him and us. He doesn't know what's going on in our lives unless we go out of our way to tell him. He's not able to really be there for us because he's having to spend most of his time at work. We don't many opportunities where we're able to bond with him and create a connection.

In their article, "Family Work" Katherine Bahr and Cheri Loveless talk about how that's not how things used to be. Before, fathers and their families worked side by side out in the fields. This created time for fathers to be able to talk about things and bond with their kids. Chores around the house and farm were positive and crucial for family bonding. No one complained about their chores. Instead, they were excited for them because they did them together. This helped make the chores fun, but also provided that family bonding time. They were able to talk to one another and be more involved. Nowadays, it's so much easier for us or anyone, especially parents, to just do chores themselves. Or have the kids do it. By doing it themselves, it gets done faster and it's done the way you want it to be done. Rather than having to try to teach someone to do and having to constantly give corrections on how to do it right. This robs both parents and children of that crucial bonding time. I remember growing up and wanting to help my mom cook in the kitchen or help my dad with the yard work or work on the cars, but not being able to. For them, it was easier to just do it and not have to worry about little me getting in the way or messing up (which I ended up doing a lot). But I remember feeling disappointed because I wanted to help and feel like I mattered and could do something. I wanted a reason to spend more time with my parents and to be with them. But I had far less opportunities to do so with my dad than my mom. This was hard on me as I loved my dad but he felt out of my reach a lot of times and that I wasn't able to be as close to him as I wanted. That had a huge impact on me, mt self-esteem, and having that firm foundation part of my life. So if your kids want to help you with cooking or anything, let them! You;ll regret later on and it will help you to bond with them and help them to feel that they can trust you and be more open with you. Don't waste those precious moments and let them go by.