What is the difference between hanging out and dating?

Lately in this generation and day there hasn't been very much dating as much as there has been "hanging out". Many people fear the concept of dating, or at least the term. It's not what it once used to mean. Many people feel like hanging out is the best way to go about courting someone. They feel like they, or the people they are interested in, will feel more comfortable in those kinds of environments. Though there are many people who do not feel that that is the case for them. For those people they feel like they still have to put o a mask. Like they still are having to compete or look good to those in the group that they're in. They don't feel like they can be open and it's difficult to get to know the other person when you're in a group. Hanging out is a time when you can have fun and build on your bond with your friends. Just not if you are wanting to court someone. When you just hang out, it can be hard for the other person to know whether or not it is or date or if you're even interested.
When you are dating someone, or taking them on dates, there is no confusion or question on either side on whether or not it is a date. In fact there are three P's that help outline what is considered dating: paid for, planned, and paired off. Now paid for doesn't necessarily mean with money. It can be also meaning with time or resources. Dates can still be fun but not cost anything. Planned means that it was planned in advance. Hanging out is usually spontaneous. Paired off is what it means. Where you and your date are for the most part alone and not being with a crowd of friends. Now I don't alone as in being at an apartment or something alone. Just somewhere where the two of you are able to talk and speak freely with one another and actually have that time to get to know one another. Dating is much more effective and personal than with hanging out. It's the best way to get to know someone and if you two would be compatible for marriage, if you two decided to take that step. Dating is not something to be taken lightly because the end result of dating, marriage, changes you and your life for the rest of your life. So take it seriously. It's worth doing.

Understanding People with Same-sex Attraction

This week was very interesting and informative. The biggest thing that we talked about was same-sex attraction. Now I am not saying any of this to put them down or belittle them, but just help create a better and greater understanding. We watched a video: "Understanding Same-Sex Attraction"  and this is a documentary video that also has those who were once homosexual and their interviews. It also shows how they're not "born that way" but that they had something happen that created those feelings for the same gender. Research that has been done shows that a lot of it has to do with what has happened to them in their childhood or because they lacked something in their childhood. For example, in the video, it showed that a large percentage become gay when they were sexually molested as a child. Now I know that there are probably some that would say, "Well I wasn't so I was born with it." In the video for one of the interviews there was a man who had been molested when he was two, but he didn't remember it. His sister told him it happened. But the experience at the time of course was so traumatizing for him at that age that it still created huge impact on his mentality. Now this obviously doesn't happen in every case, but a lot of the time it does. Now for those who weren't molested, a lot of times had the lack of male relationships and models in their life. Say that a boy who seems feminine but isn't gay, he gets along with and makes friends quickly with the girls. This can make the other boys upset and jealous because all of the girls talk to and like him. So they make fun of him and leave him out. This a lot of times creates a yearning for the boy to be liked and accepted by the other boys. Since they can so easily make friends with girls and they can talk to them no problem, the boys are what become desirable to them. This can be difficult for a lot of gays, especially if they don't want to be that way. And I'm sure it's reassuring to them for them to know that they're not born that way,  Homosexuality: What Science Can and Cannot Say, and that they can change. In the video, it show the account and experiences of some men who once had homosexual feelings, but through therapy and help, were able to overcome those and become straight. All of them tell and say about how they are so much happier now.

Something else that we talked about this week, that I thought was pretty important, was gender equality. The different genders are constantly trying to say who has what role or if there even should be any roles. That by having roles creates inequality, when in reality, it does the opposite. My grandparents have what they call "pink" and "blue" jobs. This signifies and lays out who does what part around the house. I have never ever heard either of my grandparents give a single complaint about the chores or roles they have. They created a system where the work is distributed evenly and by ability. They have used their gender differences to create an equal and functional ground in the home. There are also some issues where women get mad that men don't want women to do things or say that they can't, when those women feel that they can do just as well. And a lot of the time, it's not because they think that woman can't, it because they enjoy doing it and they enjoying helping. For example, on my mission, every time I was carrying something heavy, an Elder would ask if I would like help. I would give the typical woman answer of saying, "No. I got it." And there were times I would catch disappointment on their faces. While I was on my mission, I heard a lot of the phrase, "chivalry is dead". I thought back to those experiences and realized, its dead, because women killed it because they wanted "equality". So I decided that every time the Elders offered help, even though I didn't need it, I would take them up on it. It made a huge difference. When I first started doing it, I could tell that when the Elders asked, they expected me to say no. So I'm sure you can imagine some of their surprised expressions when I actually said yes. Then they got happy!! I noticed that as I kept doing that, the happier they got and the more I got asked if they could help. Even the amount of Elders who asked went up. Even if it was something so small as carrying a medium sized box that wasn't heavy at all, they asked to help. They find joy in being able to help us and that they can actually make a difference or still be of use. It has nothing to do if they think we're weak or not. As time went on, my friendship with these missionaries improved. This same principle can work for anyone or couple. It can help strengthen relationships as a bond is made. We all have different strengths and abilities that can help enhance society and the home. So shouldn't we work on making those differences equal and become strengths, rather than trying to use them to create inequality and contention?

Class and Family Cultures Play A Huge Role

It's amazing at how impactful social class status and individual family cultures play in our families and to us as individuals. How we're raised, and the environment that we're raised in, very much affects us and how we think, function, and raise our families. We had to watch a video for our class this week and it was really eye opening. It was about a woman named Tammy and her family. (You can go here to watch the video: Tammy's Story) Tammy is a single mom raising her kids. She never went to college and is in the low class. She works at Burger King everyday and walks 10 miles everyday to get there. Her oldest son is embarrassed with the life that he has. He wants to go to college and get up to middle class and actually do something with his life. Well in the second video of Tammy's story, she's still working at Burger King and her son's plans don't work out. He actually dropped out of high school with 6 months left and is basically still in the same life style that he grew up in and wanted to get out of. And one of the reasons he wasn't able to was because he didn't know how. Growing up, how he lived was all he knew. He didn't know how to make the short term goals that would help him accomplish the long term goals.

This also affects those who are in middle and upper class as well. For upper class lets say that someone owns a family business and wants their son to carry on the business but the son doesn't really want to. Like in Horton Hears A Who. Our class definitely plays a huge role in a family function.

Now for family cultures. These vary and change from family to family. What usually makes them change is from what happened in someone's family while growing up. So lets say that someone grew up in a family where they had to do a lot of chores and they absolutely hated it. So they decide that their kids will never have to do chores. Now you can say, "Well that's their choice if that's what they want to do." That is true. It's their home and their family. But it does also greatly impact their kids. Their kids won't know how to do a lot of basic things that they'll need to know when they go to live off on their own. And that will carry onto their kids and so on. So family cultures greatly affect each individual differently and depending on how they take that, will either keep or change those and then change how their family culture functions.

Family Interaction In the Home

We had a really good discussion this week about the different types of interactions and how they affect families within the home. The one that I thought was most interesting, and found to be the most true, was the symbolic interaction.

Symbolic interaction is the most easily misunderstand type of interaction. It involves the objects, words, gestures, and actions that we use when we are interacting with other people. The reason it is so easily misunderstood is because everyone interrupts things very differently. Or they see it differently. For example: Say that my sister's room is just super messy and she's gone all of the time working. She comes home really tired and goes straight to bed. She doesn't have any free time and is always stressed. Sometimes she's not able to find anything in her room. So I decide to help her one day when I have some free time on my hands. While she is away, I clean up her room for her. It takes me awhile but I finally get it done and I wait excitedly for her to get home. When she does get home, she goes to  her room and gets upset. She's upset because she feels like someone cleaning her room shows that she's incapable and unable to do anything on her own. She may also feel that someone did it jsut because it wasn't the way that they liked it and she feels that it was an invasion of her space. Though that is not why I did it or how I meant it, that may be the way she might take it.

So it's very important that we have an understanding of each other and the way that each individual communicates. Many times, it's because of this understanding that can cause a lot of contention in the home. As a family interacts with each other more and continues to create a stronger bond, contention and misunderstanding will decrease. This will also help create more love and charity within the home. Family interaction is the most important interaction that anyone will have. The interaction that we have within our homes, is the same kind of interaction that we take with us when we interact with people outside our homes. It was a really interesting concept that I never really thought of before. It also helped explain so much of what has happened in my family.