Being an In-law

I really liked and appreciated what Harper and Olsen (2005) stated about becoming an independent couple and yet having a healthy relationship with in-laws. He talked about how when a couple marries, they need to have and establish their own sense of identity. Moving away and having a reasonable distance from in-laws is one thing couples can do to help them establish themselves as a couple and create and establish their own family and family rules. Having the in-laws be understanding and encouraging of the couple creating their own identity is critical. Parents from either side cannot be pulling the couple from either side or direction. In-laws also need to be courteous and not try to make their child feel guilty for not coming to every single family function or spending all of their time with them. Parents need to be there to love and support their children and not try to guilt them into continual submission. 

My husband and I experience some of these issues with my parents. There was a family reunion vacation that my side of the family was having. Many of my family members pressured and made us feel guilty if we didn’t go. We finally ended up going and there were a couple of days of the vacation where we just wanted to spend some time alone as a family. My family then scolded and got upset with us that we weren’t spending all of our time with them. My family also gets really upset if we even appear to favor my husband’s side of the family. My parents blame any lack of a relationship between me and them and my husband and them on me. On my husband’s side of the family, he is/was very dependent on his family. We were living with his mom when we first got married and it was difficult to get him to agree to move out. To try to get him to move out of state to go to school, was like pulling teeth. He wanted to stay in Utah because his family was there. We were spending time with his family multiple times a week. Once we finally moved away, our marriage got better and improved since we were finally able to turn to each other rather than him turning to his family for help. Having that distance as a couple is so needed and necessary in order to establish and have a good relationship with your spouse.

Family Councils

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I really liked what I had read in M. Russell Ballard's (1997) book about counseling with our counselors. In the chapter, he talks about how each branch in the Church has council meetings. Where everyone in the Presidency meets together and discusses the needs of the people that they preside over. Each person brings their thoughts and ideas to the table. They have a discussion of the different ideas. Based off of what was discussed and the Spirit, the President then makes the decisions that he feels is needed and necessary for those that he is serving. He doesn't just do it alone, he relies on the help and knowledge of those around him. 

This really reminds me of and makes me think of families. I think that if families also held councils, that they would function even better. Families can gather once a week and can discuss a variety of things. They can talk about something that may be happening in the family, everyone's feelings, family rules, or fights that take place. They can then talk to each other and bring in everyone's account. Then make the adjustments needed based off the family's needs, to help the family continue to function. This also helps create a place and environment where everyone can say how they feel without worry of getting into trouble and so that they know that what they say and how they feel matters. This can really help bring harmony into a home. My husband and I do this once in awhile. We don't do it every week since we don't need to quite yet. However, having these times and moments to discuss the needs of our family, really helps us to make the best choice that fits everyone's needs.